It can be seen as engagement and a tool to create closeness. “Avoiding conflict can compromise our resilience, mental health, and productivity in the long term,” writes Andrew Reiner for NBC News. By contrast, one study of over 2,000 people aged 33 to 84 found that those who intentionally resolved daily conflicts reported that their stress diminished.

If you’re not sure, think about all the times you have hung out with this person. Can you remember a time when he or she did not have a drink in hand? how to deal with someone who avoids conflict In addition to a bad upbringing which induced shame and low self-esteem, alcohol only weakens the person’s ability to handle stress and conflict.

How to Approach Relationships with High-Conflict Personalities

This emotional withdrawal shows up in a number of ways, but they all equal distance in the relationship. When approaching the person with whom you are in conflict, you might acknowledge the discomfort you feel before explaining why you believe it is important to talk things through. If you believe you have been wronged, rather than lashing out in anger, present your interpretation of the situation, and ask the other person to describe how they see things. If you’ve hurt the other person, take responsibility for your actions and be prepared to apologize before discussing how to move forward. Focusing on what you know, think, feel, and want as opposed to making statements about what you believe your spouse knows, thinks, feels, and wants leads to better communication and understanding during conflict.

The relationship becomes based on assumptions and expectations rather than communication. While a better understanding of the root of their behavior doesn’t erase your frustration, it can help you with techniques to deal with difficult people. We look at common reasons for difficult behavior, how you can remain calm and composed in the midst of a challenging situation, and how you can deal with conflicts in the workplace and with family. However, some people avoid conflict at all costs — even when the conflict is necessary. To avoid rocking the boat, conflict-avoidant people might bottle up their feelings and sidestep discussing important issues with others. If you have a partner with this personality type, you likely wonder how to deal with a conflict avoidant spouse.

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And it can help you feel more accepted and loved by your mate. Lastly, when you avoid conflict at all costs, it can also make it harder to create and maintain boundaries. When someone violates your boundaries, it might be necessary to reinforce those boundaries by confronting the person.

• In either case, you may need help developing your emotional awareness.
• Some topics are higher risk for blowups, and best avoided in such settings (religion and politics, for starters).

Think about what you are transmitting to others during conflict, and if what you say matches your body language. Although knowing your own feelings may sound simple, many people ignore or try to sedate strong emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. Your ability to handle conflict, however, depends on being connected to these feelings.

How to Deal with Someone who Avoids Conflict

Learning how to confront someone assertively won’t happen overnight. But you can still take small steps each day toward feeling more comfortable facing your fears and speaking up for yourself. Remember that disagreeing provides deeper understanding and makes it easier to connect with our friends, partners, and co-workers. Some form of conflict is a normal part of our personal and professional lives. Rather than endlessly ruminate and allow conflicts to fester in your head, try taking a more assertive approach. Similarly, if you’re more comforted by smells, you can keep an essential oil on hand to take a quick whiff of when you’re feeling anxious.

• The more complaints you raise, the less likely it is that any will actually get fully discussed and resolved.
• You also might double-check your company’s policy on after-hours phone calls, as you can use this policy as a backup.
• For example, couples often argue about petty differences—the way she hangs the towels, the way he slurps his soup—rather than what is really bothering them.

Remember to respect the person, even if you don’t like the behavior. Instead, try to view conflict as an opportunity to analyze the situation objectively, assess the needs of both parties and come up with a solution that helps you both. Don’t underestimate the importance of really listening and empathizing with the other person! We’ve all been there—that moment when we feel a conflict arising and our stomach starts to churn. “Conflict resolution is an important component of [the HR] roles,” Walker said. “This doesn’t preclude individuals who are uncomfortable with conflict from being successful. It just means that they will need additional training and support in this area.”

Reasons for Difficult Behavior

Avoiding conflict all the time can leave you frustrated. Sometimes a couple needs to be able to disagree to work through an issue and solve the problem together. When you can’t do this with your mate, it may leave you feeling like things are unfair. Your partner may feel they will not change your mind when you disagree.